Things I've to take out

Kalau kau rasa mcm aku meratap sangat pemergian ayah aku, you're wrong. Aku redha. Tp xkan aku bole teros lupa dia kn? And aku xkan lupa dia smpai bile2. Sampai aku mati pon, aku takkan lupa. Kalau kau org break up dgn boyfriend / girlfriend pon, berzaman2 nk lupa kn? Inikan pulak kau hilang orang yg besarkan kau, sekolah kan kau. Yang bagi kau makan, pakai and everything. Perit tau tak?? 21 tahun aku hidup dgn ayah. Its just that, skarang tgh sem break. So, aku xjumpa kwn2 aku. Aku xde puts dgn bieha dpn mata aku yg aku bole cerita sampai menangis dlm kelas, dlm keta, kt ruma sewa, kt shopping mall. Sume tmpat aku bole menangis. T___T. Aku xsuka cerita dlm phone ke, skype ke. Sbb nnt org bkn dgr aku cerita. Org akan dgr aku menangis je. So, belog ni jela tmpt aku bercerita. Xkan aku nk menangis depan ibu pulak. Mesti die pon sedih nnt.

Pernah sekali tu, aku baca yassin dgn ibu n abg aku. Ibu pny suara da laen da masa baca. Aku seboleh2 tahan air mata aku. Tp xbole. Aku menangis jgk dpn ibu sambil baca yassin. Lepas benda tu jadik, kalau nak baca yassin, aku mesti elak dari baca dgn ibu. Biar aku baca sorg2 dlm bilik. Biar org xnmpk and xtau aku menangis. Ibu slalu igt aku kuat. Ibu slalu ckp yg dia akan kuat kalau tgk anak2 dia kuat. Sbb tu aku xbole menangis dpn dia :p

Sejak ayah takde, aku tido dgn ibu. Jadik peneman. Before tido, msti akan ada pillow talk dgn ibu. Ibu mesti cerita pasal ayah. Tiap kali dia cerita, mesti aku sebak. Tapi aku tahan je. Kdg2 kalau xtahan, meleleh jgk air mata aku dlm gelap tu. Org bole ckp kt aku 'be strong or tabahla or wutsoevs' tp org xrasa ape aku rasa. Kau bg aku duit juta2 pon, xsama nilai dgn org yg dah pergi. Sampai bila2 pun, xkan ada org laen yg bole ganti tmpt ayah.

*Sori lah kalau kau rase bosan bace belog aku lately. Asek cerita pasal ayah aku je kan? Kau ape tau? Kalau kau bosan kau remove je link belog aku dkt belog kau tu okay. bye!

T____T

I hate that feeling when you see something and for that second, you feel your heart drop, and your throat swells up and you feel tears in your eyes and you just can’t speak. You can’t do anything but stare. And then it sinks in and it’s this unbelievable feeling in your chest. Like it’s collapsing on you. And all you can do next is cry. I hate that feeling. Seriously.

Fire burnin'

Arini, ibu suro bakar tilam yg die salu tido dgn ayah aku. Maybe sbb die asyik teringat2 kot. Xpulak aku tanye. Skarang ni mata aku asek berkaca2 je. Sensitip. Xbole org ckp lebih2 sket. Aku cengeng kan, mojo?

Every single day

Every day, I think of you. Every day, you cross my mind. Every day, I see something that reminds me of you. Every day, I'm missing you. Every day, I wish you were here. Every day, I think of why you left us. But every day I'm also getting stronger. Every day I'm moving a little more on. Rest in peace, dad. We love you.

may be

I may look strong on the outside but not in the inside.

I really miss you, ayah.

Al-Fatihah

You'll always in my mind.

Ni gambar mase konvo hari tu. Ibu n amer yg masuk dlm dewan. Sebak gile bile tgk member2 sume mak dgn ayah dorg yg masuk. Ape agaknye perasaan ibu bile die tgk orang lain sume masuk dgn husband dorg, Tapi ibu masuk dgn anak die. Kalau jumpe dgn ayh2 dorg, msti aku salam. Rinduuu taw nk salam n cium tgn seorang ayah :(

Dulu, mase ayah sakit2, aku salu bg die semangat bia cepat sembuh, so that nnt bole pegi konvo aku. tp tiap kali aku ckp psl konvo, ayah mesti senyap je. Agaknye die da dpt rase yg die xbole pegi kot :'(

p/s : Smalam, 14 December ialah anniversary ibu dgn ayah. Happy 25th Anniversary, Ibu.

another p/s : Bile mkn prosperity pn teringat ayah. fav die dulu. Haihh. Sume benda yg aku buat pn mesti teringat kt ayah. Appreciate your dad, pleasee. Nnt bile dah xde, menyesal pun x gune.

Al-Fatihah

tiada rezeki

kau tau, sebelum ayah aku 'pergi' die penah mintak nak makan rojak petis. aku pegi carik dekat pasar malam, tp xde. 2,3 minggu jgkla aku pegi carik. tapi xde jugak. padahal sebelum2 ni ade je belambak2 org jual. lepas tu, ayah aku 'pergi'.

afte 2weeks die pergi, aku gi pasar mlm. pastu aku nmpk org jual rojak petis! mase first2 nmpak tu aku TERberdiri kaku sekejap kt tempat aku berpijak tu. start drpd tu, everytime aku gi pasar mlm mesti ade org jual rojak petis. aku rse mcm nk hantuk2 je kpala si penjual tu dkt tiang payung tmpat die berniaga tu. rasa macam tahi gilaa kau tau x? aku tanam bnda ni je dlm otak dan hati ; tiada rezeki.

Al-Fatihah.

RIP

Its been 42 days. Bila makan bubur mcd, I was thinking, how much ayah loves it. Sampai hari2 terakhir dia pun, dia still nk mkn bubur mcd tu. And that is the last food that he ate before he left us. Forever. Al-Fatihah.

p/s: I miss you BIG time! :(

double p/s: I just want u to know that I'm proud to be your daughter.

its been a long time yaww!

You're gonna lose people in your life

& I realize

that no matter how much time you spent with them,

and how much you appreciated them, and told them so,

it will never seem like it was enough :|

empat empat

fatin a.k.a car-mate a.k.a clsmate ber sem2,

happy 21st bday!

may u have a prosperous year ahead!

God bless!

p/s; aku dah mls nk fikir psl org. bye.